


Overdosed

by isuckatnicknames



Category: Rammstein
Genre: Abuse, Complete, Drug Use, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Slash, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 04:03:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5613280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isuckatnicknames/pseuds/isuckatnicknames
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Paul and Richard are enjoying their secret love, but someone is not so happy about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Will you take me there

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic. Never thought I will write one, but apparently one can never know. English is not my mother tongue so I'm sure there are some mistakes. If you find them, please let me know.  
> If you will love or hate this story, leave a feedback. Everything is appreciated, cuz as I said, it is the first time (and probably the last. Depends on you though).  
> Different P.O.V.'s  
> Big thx to Kvalik for mental support!

Paul’s P.O.V.

I hate myself for what I did. How could I do that to the man I love? I’m so angry at myself. And at Christoph. What was his point anyway? He can fuck everything he wants. Why me then? It started so innocent.

,,Hey Paul. Can you help me out with something?” Schneider asked me over the phone.

,,Uhm, I’m just about to visit Richard for a while. What do you need?”

,,Pleaseeee. It’s urgent,” he pleaded.

Okay, I think I can stop by for few minutes. Richard can wait a bit. He doesn’t like to wait so it could be a nice foreplay. Then I get the heated sex. Yes!

,,Fine, but just for a while,” I answer and go to his room.

I enter the room and see table set for two. ,, _What is this_?” I asked myself with suspicious look thrown at Schneider. He only smiles.

,,Please, sit down,” he said with even wider smile.

I don’t like this. ,,Chris, I don’t have time for this. I thought you need help.”

,,Yes, I do. I need both of us to make peace. Richard is yours.”

I’m shocked. How the fuck does he know about us? NO ONE knows about us. He probably noticed my expression, because he started to explain.

,,I know you two are secret and I’m the only one that knows. I promise. I didn’t tell anyone.”

,,How long do you know?”

,,Few weeks, but I figured it’s going on couple of months.”

,,Uhm. Is this why you were acting so strange lately?” I asked.

,,Yes. I was just jealous. Acting like a little bitch.”

,,Jealous? And how did you find out?”

,,Easily. Richard didn’t want to fuck me anymore. I figured he must have someone else then. Probably someone he cares about. We just released the tension now and then. It was nothing. Then I started to notice how you two act around each other and when I saw you sneaking out from his room in the morning, I knew it’s you. You are his new toy,” he sighed.

,,I’m not his toy!” I raised my voice.

,,No, of course not… Anyway, I just want to apologize for my behavior with this dinner.”

I place my hand on his shoulder with the sweetest smile I have. Which means reaaally sweet. ,,It’s okay. No worries.”

Schneider also smiles, but won’t let me go. ,,Paul, I insist. Let’s have a dinner, talk and make things calm. Write to Richard and spend few hours with me”

I’m still suspicious. I know what he’s capable of. But when I see his smile and probably good intentions I just nod and sit down.

Chris seems relieved as he calls a waitress to serve us the dinner.

,,I have to say you really surprised me, Doom! This dinner is delicious,” I said between the dishes.

He grins: ,,Then you should wait for the dessert,” and winks at me.

,,Can’t wait!”

After we ate all and drank the wine, I stand up. ,,Chris, this was really nice from you. I enjoyed your company. It’s time to go though.”

,,No way! We’ve only just started. Have a seat on the couch and I get a bottle of some spirit. It’s too late for you to visit Richard. He’s asleep. And too soon to go to bed. Come on. We have to make a toast.”

,,We already did with wine.” I reminded him.

He laughs: ,,Pff, wine is for pussies. Are you a pussy, Paul?”

,,Of course not!” I said with deep manly voice.

He nods while pouring us Jäger. ,,Good.”

I feel already really dizzy after one shot. ,, _What the hell?_ ”

,,Chris, I have to go. I feel strange”

,,Non-sense! One more, Paulie. Just one more,” he said smiling. I notice he didn’t even touch his drink…

,,Why didn’t you drink?” I asked.

,,I did! And I want more. We had one shot and I already poured another.”

,,You didn’t drink yours,” I pointed out.

,,Non-sense. Of course I did. Now shut up and drink. Prost.”

…

The only thing I remember after was how he took me to the bed. He must have drugged me. Son of a bitch. I remember how he took off my clothes and started to kiss me. Then my world disappeared.

…

I’m having the worst days in my life. My ass was sore so I’m sure what he did. His constant glances towards me don’t help either. But the worst is, I can’t look at Richard. I just can’t. I realized how much I love him. We didn’t say it to each other yet, but I’m sure he loves me too. And now this. I hate you, Schneider!

I knew about their thing with Doom. We all knew. But exactly as Chris said “it was nothing”. And yet, he refused to fuck with him. That must mean something, right? He is not a faithful guy when it comes to relationships. I don’t think there is someone he didn’t cheat on. He just can’t help it. So it must mean something now.

I have flashbacks from the other night every time I look at Reesh. It’s constant torture. Yes, I deserve it. I know what I did. I didn’t want to though. Drugs are messy business when it comes to sex. They make you do things you normally wouldn’t do. I’m so angry with Schneider, but I can’t confront him. I tried and he laughed.

,,I don’t think you didn’t like it, Paulchen. Your moans with my name said otherwise. If you don’t believe me, I can show it to you. I recorded the whole thing” he winked at me smiling like a child.

,,Wait! What? You what?”

,,Yes. I recorded it. You were great!”

He left the room and I wasn’t able to do anything. I am screwed forever. I’ll always have to do what he wants or he will show it to Richard. Maybe I should tell him myself, but… No, I can’t do that. I can’t see that pain in his beautiful eyes. I just have to do whatever Chris wants me to.

.  
.  
.

Richard’s P.O.V.

I got an email from Doom late in the night. I was already asleep so I got to read it this morning. “About last night. Have fun” was written there, but the file was missing. I answered him back to ask for the file. How could I know?

He sent it again in the evening and everything was attached this time. I watched it and now I’m alone in complete apathy. I want to scream, but I have no strength. I want to jump from the roof, but I am glued to my chair. I just want to vanish… I somehow fell asleep in this agony. Wishing to never wake up again.

…

I can’t take it anymore. I see the way he looks at me. The glare of victory. Yes, he won. He tore me apart. All those images he put into my head are poison to my heart. He’s been reminding me the whole day. I’m sitting alone in my hotel room again. I got a text from him. “Did you enjoy the show? I know I did” it says. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t. I’m a broken man. No one cares about me. Paul didn’t even look at me for days. I guess I disgust him. I thought he loves me, but I was proven wrong. It meant nothing to him. I mean nothing to him. Just like I meant nothing to Schneider. Why should I remain in this band?  
Even my fans disowned me because of Emigrate. I never meant to leave Rammstein. Ever. But no one seems to understand. I tried to explain hundreds of times, but with no success. Why should I remain alive? I’m ready to end it.

…

It took all my strength to get up, but I have to look the best today. It’s my final night after all. I want people to find me in nice dress, light make-up and perfect hair. It will probably get to the news and I always have to look perfect in front of cameras. Alive or dead, doesn’t matter, I have to look perfect.  
Black coat, dark shirt, dark jeans, my collar, eyeliner and spikes. I’m ready to go. I look delicious. I know I do. Last gaze into the mirror. Yes, delicious! But even under all this beauty I see wounded soul crying in dark cold corner. I sign and tears are coming to my eyes again. No, fuck no. I’m not gonna cry! I hit the mirror and run out from the bathroom, taking my wallet, cigarettes and leaving.

I saw Till on the way to the elevator. He gave me an odd look before the door closed. Weird. Last check with the mirror. ,, _Oh, Richard, you sexy beast. You’re almost too pretty to die_.” I shake my head. ,, _No more thoughts like that. You’re going to enjoy your night. And then u do what you must_.” The elevator finally stopped and I can go fulfill my plan.

…

,,Get out” a bartender told me strictly.

,,Easy there. I’m going. No problem.”

,,You seem like a nice guy though. I don’t have any drugs and I assure you there is nothing in my bar. Try the club behind the corner. They might have what you’re looking for.”

I repay him with my smile (I paid too much just for an information, if u ask me) and leave. I miss times when we just asked our manager to bring us whatever we wanted. Can’t do that now. I don’t need a lecture and I don’t want them to know. I’m sure I can take care of it by myself. Have plenty of cash and I know what I want. I always get what I want.

The closest bar to our hotel didn’t work then. Fortunately there is another one. Ten minutes and I’m there. I know I should probably go further, but at first, I don’t want to spend precious time to go somewhere and second, no one will look after me anyway so why to bother.

I’m here, 2 floors, lights, music, dancers and alcohol. Perfect. They definitely have what I seek. I go down to the underground floor. This place is awesome, one of the reasons why I love Spain - great clubs, friendly bitches and quality drugs.  
I sit at the bar, lit a cigarette and order a glass of whiskey. I don’t drink anymore nor do drugs, but everything is different tonight. In no time I have a company of sweet tall brunet.

,,Hello, sexy lady,” I started.

,,Hello, handsome. I must say you look stunning!” she can’t hide her attraction towards me.

I just smile and say: ,,I know.” Don’t get me wrong, I don’t wanna be impolite, but that kinda contains saying the truth. And I know I look stunning. ,,You should see me in better days. You would probably jump on me immediately,” I winked.

,,Someone’s cocky. But it’s also sexy on you. I hardly believe you can have better days than this,” she answered checking me out again.

,,Oh, believe me, sweetheart, I can.”

,,Do you wanna go somewhere private?”

,,Normally, I’d be flattered and happy to oblige. But I actually came here to find cocaine. Lots of it.”

She didn’t say a word. She didn’t even blink. ,,I see,” she nodded after a while. Then she showed me one big guy standing at the corridor. ,,He has what you want.”

,,Thank you. Maybe we can hang out after?” It sounded more of a question than statement.

,,Maybe,” she smiled and went dancing.

…

,,Do you have a moment? I heard you have something I’d like.” I try to tell him, but he can’t hear me because of the music. He probably knows what I want though, because he’s taking me to some private lodge.

,,So, tell me pretty face, do you have money?”

,,Of course I do. And I want quite a lot of that white happiness.” I told him and said how much.

,,You look like you’re willing to do everything to get it.”

,,I guess. But money are no problem, so there’s no need for me to do “everything”.”

,,Actually, there is. I think you’re handsome. You want a lot and I want something in return. It’s a high-rate quality we talk about here.”

,,I hope it’s high-rate quality! You get money in return. Sounds like a fair deal to me.” He’s not my type so I don’t really like what he’s suggesting.

,,Let’s make a deal. I make you a line right now on the table. You try how good it is. Then we talk about the price.”

That’s reasonable: ,,Okay.”

…

,,Fuck, this is indeed a good quality.” I feel the shivers, my teeth tingle and I’m becoming a bit horny. Oh, yea. I missed this. Suddenly he stands in front of me with his pants down.

,,You give me a blowjob, boy toy. Then I take some cash from your wallet and we’re even.”

,,How about you take all cash and we skip the blowjob?”

,,No,” he said and forced his dick into my mouth.

I tried to fight at first, but the more I did, the deeper he pushed it. I started to gag. I’m a good cocksucker, but it’s usually under my control. I can take you closer to heaven with my mouth, but I have to be in charge. I might stop making Paul to deep throating me. But hey, he loves it. I don’t. I scratch on this guy’s thighs and trying to breathe. I convinced my tongue to co-operate to bring his orgasm faster. He quickens his pace and he seems close. Few more thrusts and he unload in my throat. I don’t want to swallow it at all, but it’s easier by now. It’s down my throat anyway.

…

I gave him his money and run away in case he wanted more. To my surprise the restroom doesn’t look so bad. The club obviously takes a good care of restrooms. Damn, I want a toothbrush, which I don’t have, of course. I rinse out my mouth with water at least. It didn’t help at all as expected. Hopefully whiskey will get that taste out of my mouth. But right now, I want another line. I settle in one cabin and take out my phone. Surprisingly I have 5 missed calls. 2 from Paul, 2 from Till and one from Schneider. ,, _What? Do you want to Skype me while having a threesome? Fuck all of you._ ” Depression poisoned me again. I made two fat lines and snorted it all. Ecstasy.

…

I dance for hours only with breaks to snort more. I am beyond high. Several people kissed me and touched me asking me for sex. Guess I’m disgusting only for people around me. Once you get to know me, you don’t wanna have anything to do with me anymore. Great. Okay, I think it’s enough for now. It’s time. Heading towards the toilets I take out my phone again. More missed calls. ,, _What the hell? Don’t pretend you care_.”

…

I took everything I had left. If this won’t be too much, nothing will. It hits me like a lightening. Oh my. Now I’m even beyond beyond high. I need some air. I run fast upstairs and out from the club. I feel dizzy and sick. I expected fresh air, but I’m mistaken. It stinks. This city stinks. Trash bins right next to me don’t help. I wanna puke. I have to steady myself with a hand on a lamp. I feel like shit. I can’t keep the content of my stomach anymore.

Fortunately streets are empty. It’s silent and dark. Only I make noises from the pain I feel. My body is killing me. I managed to crawl to one dark corner right under some stairs where I sit down. ,, _Would you take me to heaven if I climbed on top? No, probably no. I don’t belong there anyway._ ”  
My stomach is in such pain I can’t describe. My whole body’s shaking and muscles are tensed. Why? I only took cocaine. I should be high as the sky. I was supposed to be happy until the last moment. And then the sky would just open up and take me there. That was my plan. No pain, only joy and then purgatory. But I wanna shoot myself instead. It hurts so much. I should have hanged myself. I don’t have anything to puke anymore. I feel cold yet I’m sweating like a pig. Hot, cold, hot, cold. ,, _Can someone hold me, please? … Anybody..._ ”

Now my nose started to bleed. Great, exactly what I needed. Although some women think guys covered in blood are sexy. Guess I’m fine with that then. My breathing is faster too. I’m trying to control it, but I can’t. I breathe like a dog in hot summer. I feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest and my head will probably explode. After what seemed like hours to me (only few minutes) I hear some voices. My vision is blurred. I only see three silhouettes. I’m sure they go in my direction. Yes, they are heading towards me.

,,Take all my money. I won’t need them where I’m going. If you wanna kill me, please do so. You’ll show me mercy,” I said, ,,but… Don’t touch my face. It’s too pretty to be damaged,” I added and my blurred vision turned to no vision.

 

.  
.  
.

Paul’s P.O.V.

Schneider stormed into my room. ,,What the hell?!” I hissed at him.

,,Paul, I think I screwed up big time.”

,,Do you think so, Chris? Congratulation for realizing. Now, leave me alone.”

,,No no, Paul. You don’t understand. I think Richard is in trouble. Can you go with me, please?”

,,I can’t believe you!!” I shout at him. ,,You tricked me, you drugged me, fucked me, recorded the whole thing and now you’re trying to fool me again?!! What kind of monster are you?! Go away! NOW!” I shout and even trying to hit him. Without success though. He walks away at least.

,, _Son of a bitch_.” I’ll go check out on Reesh though. I have to face him eventually. This is killing me. I love him for god’s sake! I miss him. I sigh and go.

,,Reesh? Are you there?” I knock on his door. Nothing. I can’t hear anything either. ,,Reesh? Please, answer me. I’m sorry. I miss you,” I try to take the first step. I only hear silence. He’s probably asleep. I’ll talk to him tomorrow.

…

It’s almost two hours later when Schneider comes in again, this time with Till.

,,Get out,” I shout.

Till is trying to calm the situation: ,,I don’t know what happened here, but I know what I saw. Richard didn’t look sane. He looked insanely good, but the look in his eyes terrified me. You know how unstable he can get if he gets depressed. So, one of you tells me what you did to him right now.”

Till scared me. ,,Wait. Did he terrify you? YOU? Then I guess we should go to his room and have a look if he’s okay.”

,,I saw him leaving hours ago, Paul. And I didn’t like what I saw at all. That’s why I found Chris to tell him and ask if it’s his fault. You know they are a bit closer.”

,,Were,” I said through my teeth.

,,Oh. So is that it? Did you dump him?” Till asked Schneider.

,,No, Till,” Christoph answered, ,,I screwed up this time. Very bad…” he said with his face down.

,,Oh my god, can someone finally tell me what’s going on?!”

And so Chris did. He told him all about their affair, how it ended and why. He finished with sending the video of us to Richard. Now I snapped.

,,You fucking piece of shit!!!” I see red and shout at him all the bad words I know. I wanna kill him right now. Unfortunately, Till stops me before I can even reach Chris. Then I see him going there himself and punch him in the face with his strong big hand. Chris howls and falls on his knees.

,,Tell me, Chris. Do you enjoy hurting people? Is that your kind of fun? What if he does something stupid? Will it be so funny after that too? Will it be the perfect ending to your game?” He’s really angry with him, but definitely not as much as I am. I can’t even imagine what this had to do to Richard. ,, _Please, be safe, my love, I’m coming to get you…_ ”

,,I didn’t want to hurt him this much. I thought he would take it as a joke. Sure, it was supposed to be a small revenge, but I didn’t want to hurt him too much,” he sobs.

,,Well done, really,” I hissed.

,,You shut up. You didn’t even look at him for days,” he pointed at me.

,,Of course not! I was full of guilt and shame. But if I knew what you did, I’d come to him immediately. Gee, you have no idea what you’ve done!!!” I’m starting to see red again. ,, _He does something like this and then he’s accusing me?? I have no fucking part in this. None! I wish I knew…_ ”

Till speaks up again: ,,Your arguing won’t help him. What if he’s drowning himself in alcohol? Or worse – drugs. It wouldn’t be the first time for him to try to solve his problems like this. And I don’t even want to imagine what it could do to him in deep depression. So how about both of you shut up and try to do something? Did you try to call him? ‘Cause I did and he didn’t pick up.”

I was so fed up with my anger I almost forgot that Reesh is out there doing god knows what. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe god is watching us, but that’s what they say. If there is one though, please, keep an eye on him.

,,I’ll call him,” I said.

,,I already tried. But he didn’t pick up. I guess he didn’t want to talk to me, which is understandable. Try it, please,” Chris pleaded.

It almost looks like he’s sorry. Truly sorry, but I don’t believe him. I hate him the most. Richard is not picking up my call either. I’m starting to have a bad feeling about this.

,,Okay, phone won’t help then. I’m sure he would call back if he wanted to talk to us,” Till sighed.

,,You’re right. I’ll try to find him. Hopefully he’ll pick up the damn phone,” I said while getting up.

,,I’ll go with you,” Chris stood up.

,,Me too,” Till nodded.

,,Guys, that’s very nice from you. I mean, nice from you, Till. But I’ll go alone.”

,,Yea? Do you think you can carry or even fight drunken Richard?” Doom asked me.

,,I’ll rather try than go with you,” I hissed.

,,Calm down! I’m sick of you two. We all go right now!” Till grabs us and kick us out of the room.

I’m still not happy that Chris is going with us, but right now it’s not about me. It’s about Richard. ,, _Hold on, love. I’m on the way._ ”

…

No success in the first pub. We don’t really know where to look, but we decided to check the places around for start. If that won’t work, we’ll have to come up with something else. And honestly, I have no clue with what. I’m relying on him picking up the fucking phone.

We continue to another bar. We checked the tables, asked if there are some lodges. No sign of him.

The bartender gives us an odd look. ,,Are you looking for someone? I mean, obviously you are, so why don’t you tell me who that should be?”

,,Ehm, black spikes, blue eyes, black clothes,” I described.

,,Black collar,” Till added.

,,Right. I think I saw him. He was looking for cocaine so I kicked him out. He went willingly though, looking strange. Something about him gave me goose bumps.”

,,His prettiness, probably,” I laughed.

,,Well yes, he was handsome, but that’s not what I meant.”

I think I understand. Oh, Reesh…

,,I told him to go to the club behind the corner. That was hours ago. Good luck, guys,” he said and we’re leaving.

…

My heart is pumping like crazy. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m scared of finding him wasted or not finding him at all. Hmm, probably the second option, once we have him, everything will be better.

Till shows us a lightening sign on the wall. Looks like we found the club. I’m disturbed by some strange noises like if an animal is dying. Something/someone is definitely in pain. I look that way and my heart almost stops.

,,Richard…” I whispered. My own voice failed me.

Till and Chris immediately look in that direction.

,,Fuck,” Till howled.

,,It’s him,” Chris confirmed.

We don’t have the best night vision, but if all of us think it’s him, it must be him. In no time we’re moving towards him.

I hear him growl. ,,Take all my money. I won’t need them where I’m going. If you wanna kill me, please do so. You’ll show me mercy.”

Oh my god, it’s really him. I can recognize his voice everywhere.

,,But… Don’t touch my face. It’s too pretty to be damaged,” he added and went silent.

,,Okay, yes. That’s definitely Richard,” Chris laughed at that comment. He realizes the whole situation in one second though and his face changes immediately.

,,What the fuck is he talking about?! He’s going nowhere! Motherfucker! Not when we got here,” Till shouts and I see he’s terrified the same way I am. Chris has the worst expression of us all though.

We finally reach him. His beautiful face agonized, his eyes shut, his whole body shaking… I start to cry.

,,Reesh, what have you done?” tears are falling from my eyes as I try to hold him. He’s hot like a fucking radiator in full winter.

,,Someone call an ambulance!” I screamed.

,,Paul, we don’t know what he’s taken. I’m not sure if that’s a good idea…” Till said unsurely.

,,That’s why I’m calling! Are you afraid of the news? Seriously?? We have lawyers! We have people to deal with this mess! Making sure there is officially no mess! And even if we didn’t, fuck it! I’m not going to let him die!” Chris screamed hysterically at him while dialing 911.

,,Hold on, Reesh. I’m here. Please don’t give up. I love you, I need you,” I whisper into his ear, holding him as close to me as I can. His heartbeat is getting worse and worse and he mumbles something I don’t understand. ,,Please don’t leave me, Reesh. Please,” I’m begging him.

I hear the ambulance in few minutes; desperately hoping they’re not late.


	2. On your back, Reesh

Richard’s P.O.V.

After a long dream I am able to open my eyes. Strong light hits me and forces me to close them again. Was that the sun or heaven’s light? Heaven, yea, right. Not a chance. I try again a bit slower giving my eyes time to adjust. ,,Where am I?”

,,Reesh! Thanks god! You’re awake!” I hear someone saying. Only now I realized someone is holding my hand. 

,,You’re in a hospital. And alive.”

Finally my eyes started to co-operate and I can see the sterile room with hospital lights, nurses and… ,,Paul?” I whispered.

,,Yes, love, it’s me,” he smiles at me. I can see he’s relieved, but I’m not sure why.

,,What happened? What am I doing here? What are you doing here?” I’m confused.

,,Hey, easy there. Let’s take this slowly. You overdosed, that’s why you’re here and fortunately still alive. And I am here, because I couldn’t leave you. I’m so sorry, Reesh. For everything…”

,,It’s okay,” I try to smile. I’m actually really glad to see him. At least someone seems to care.

,,It’s not, Richard. I don’t want you to think you’re alone and without love. I won’t make that mistake again. I felt like dying when I had you in my arms not responding. I’ll make it up to you. I promise!”

I don’t know what to say. My brain doesn’t work properly and I feel tensed. Plus I thought he left me for him. And… Okay, I can’t think about that now nor have this talk.

,,Can we have this conversation some other time, Paul? I feel numb. I … I don’t want to say something stupid about you and Chris. I…”

,,Of course. It was stupid of me to spill everything out on you now,” Paul interrupted me, ,,and about Chris… Honey, he drugged me. I would never do that to you. I don’t have a single reason to cheat on you.”

,,He what?!” I’m shocked. And my head decided to torture me with pain again. Damn. ,,Okay, not now, Paulchen. Please. I’m glad you are here,” I said smiling at him.

,,I’m glad YOU are here. And you feel numb because of the benzos they gave you to prevent heart attack or stroke. They were also icing you so your muscles didn’t explode,” he said sadly. 

,,Oh…”

,,We really thought we lost you, Reesh. You had impossible heartbeat, you were mumbling and your temperature was higher than in hell when we found you…”

,,I… I’m sorry, Paulchen.”

,,No, no, I don’t want you to be sorry. I want you to promise me you won’t ever do that again. We all know you didn’t take too much by an accident. You’re too skilled for that. I mean, sure, it can happen even to Charlie Sheen, but you were saying certain things, Reesh… We knew very well you wanted to kill yourself. Actually, you said to Till few years ago when you were both high as fuck that this is the way you would go from this world. And he remembered, Richard, because he started to be scared. Drugs were fun just until then…”

,,Wait. Was that the time he wanted to stay clean? Considering detox even?”

,,Yes, Rich. That was the time. He wanted to be sober to stop you from doing something stupid…”

,,Uhm. What? I don’t think that was the reason.”

,,You stubborn idiot. Yes, it was! He cares about you. You’re like his little brother and you were ALWAYS there for him. When he was drunk, high or depressed. Always.”

,,Well, yea. He’s like my unstable older brother. Of course I have to be there for him.”

,,See? That’s exactly what he thought,” he ends this conversation. ,,Anyway, promise me you won’t ever do that again. We were so worried we lost you. And I… Please, Reesh, don’t make me go through that again,” he sobs.

,,Come here,” I just say and open my arms. I can’t handle this now. I’m so glad he’s here with me. I imagined that I’d wake up here alone… 

,,What is going to happen now?” I asked him.

,,They said they want to keep you here for approximately 12 hours and then we can take you home,” he said into my neck still holding me.

,,Okay. You don’t have to stay here with me. It’s our day off if I’m not mistaken. Go and have some fun. I’ll be alright.”

,,No way,” he said giving me no chance to disagree. 

…

A driver came to pick us up in the evening. Paul stayed with me the whole day which I mostly spent sleeping. Doctor warmed me I might have some sleeping problems and that I have to be careful. Of course, not touching cocaine again. Which I promised. Not that much because of the doctor, but because I saw Paul’s expression.

We’re arriving to our hotel and I start to be afraid. I don’t want to face anyone today. I’m not sure about their reactions. I hope to secretly sneak into my room. 

Paul takes my hand and holds it. He looks at me with those angelic eyes and the sweetest smile. ,,Don’t worry, Reesh. It’s gonna be okay,” he said. I just nod and smile back.

…

We’re in front of my room, but Paul keeps walking. ,,Oh. Good night then…” I say with my face down. 

,,Reesh, we exchanged the rooms. Olli thought you probably wouldn’t like to be in the same room that drove you mad,” he winks at me and leads me to my new room.

He opens the door and I’m glad I can finally have my own space. I step in and see everyone inside. They greet me one by one. ,,It’s so good to see you, Reesh,” Olli hugs me. ,,You scared the shit out of me!” Flake says while hugging me. Till comes to me and gives me one big bear hug. ,,Till, I can’t breathe,” I say laughing. ,,Rick, you fucking asshole! If you will ever feel bad again, you come to me. Understood?” he looks so serious. ,,Okay. Thank you,” I nod. 

,,Guys, I’m really sorry. I know I messed up. I hope it didn’t throw anything bad on our band… I wouldn’t forgive myself. This is my life …”

,,Richard, shut up. You didn’t mess up anything, okay?!” Till cuts me off. ,,We messed up, because we should have been there for you. We all saw you’re not doing psychologically well and we didn’t reach out to you. It was our fault, okay? Mine mostly. I should have got you drunk and made you talk. Don’t blame yourself, please. And the band is fine, don’t worry. No one knows what happened. We talked to the doctors and even if they wanted, they can’t say anything. No one else was involved. Officially nothing happened, we had our day off and tomorrow we’re leaving to another city. That’s it,” he smiles. 

,,I don’t know what to say, guys. Probably just one big thank you,” I’m relieved. I didn’t expect that. I know they are like my family, but I thought they gave up on me. And I couldn’t blame them for that. 

,,No need. Just promise you’ll talk to one of us first before doing something like that again,” Olli replied. 

,,I already made him promise that,” Paul grins.

,,That’s right,” I smile.

Then I realize there is one more person who stays back in the corner. Christoph. I have mixed feelings right now. I wanna kill him. I am mad at him, but at the same time, I’m starting to feel depressed, because when I look at him, the video is playing in front of my eyes again. I don’t say it’s his fault I didn’t handle it, but playing with my fucking mind his fault is. 

,,Sven, I’m really sorry. I screwed up. I know you probably don’t wanna talk to me now so…”

,,You’re right, I don’t.”

,,Of course. I just had to see you’re okay. I mean, alive. I’m … I hope you’ll find a way to be around me again,” he says and he’s about to leave.

I’m not planning to stop him. I wanna beat the shit out of his body. He fucked Paul. MY Paul! And not because he would love him, I’d understand that. No, he fucked him to hurt me. Rage is starting to take control over me. I clench my hands into fists. 

,,Reesh, calm down, please. Let him be now. You have to be careful with your blood pressure. Please,” Paul pleads while holding me tight.

,,I already gave him a punch if that helps,” Till winked at me. 

It doesn’t. But Paul saying nice things into my ear and the fact Christoph is already gone, do the job. I’m starting to cool down. Paul released me from his embrace so the guys can say their goodbyes and leave. 

I’m left alone with Paul. I sit heavily on the bed and place my head between my hands. A lot has happened in one day. I feel him sit next to me and in one second hugging me. I lean to that hug. 

,,Paulchen…”

,,Sssh. It’s okay,” he kissed my cheek. 

I turn my face and place a kiss on his lips. I forgot how sweet it tastes. I’m completely lost in that kiss. There is no drug in the world that could take me this high. I hold his face while I’m kissing him deeply and passionately. He suddenly breaks the kiss.

,,Reesh, we shouldn’t. Not today, you have to rest. The doctor said…”

,,Do I look that I care?” I interrupt him.

,,Reesh…”

Nope, I couldn’t care less, honestly. I wanna feel his body around me, his caressing kisses, his gentle whispers. I might even take him gently today. I don’t feel like being that wild animal as I normally am in bed.

I’m slowly undressing him while kissing him. He nibbles at my lips a bit. ,,You tease,” I smile pushing him slowly on the bed. He’s helping me get out of my clothes as I’m doing the same for him. I lay on top of him and I’m kissing his neck. I love his scent and his warmth. He’s starting to moan as I take the base of his cock into my hand. He’s so hard I’m sure it hurts him. My own erection is aching too, but I don’t care now. I want to make him feel good. He’s so willing, so beautiful, so mine. I start to move my hand on his cock, sucking his nipples. Suddenly he stops me. 

,,What?” I’m confused.

,,On your back, Reesh.”

Hey, I don’t take orders! I’ll punish you for this. Obviously you want it.

,,I just want you to feel good,” I whisper and keep going.

He stops me again. ,,Please, Reesh, let me pleasure you. Let me suck you off, I want it.”

Okay, now we’re talking. I get under him. Still unsure though. 

,,Don’t worry, this won’t emasculate you,” he grins. 

I feel his kisses on my body from my lips down. Then I feel his tongue on the top of my cock. He’s teasing me while looking at me. My mouth partly open from the moans I make. He seems satisfied with his teasing and I feel the warmth around my dick in one second.

,,It feels so good, Paulchen,” I moan more and more as he’s quickening his movements. 

My heart is beating like crazy. I’m about to cum. I have to stop him.

,,Paul, stop.”

Now he’s confused. ,,I don’t want to cum yet. I want to be with you, want to make love to you,” I explain.

He stops, but he’s still between my legs and he doesn’t look like coming up to me. 

,,Come here, Paulchen.”

,,Reesh, let me finish you. Please,” he pleads.

,,Why? Don’t you want me? Did you change your mind?” my heart nearly stops. 

,,No, no, silly! Of course I want you. But we can do this tomorrow…”

,,Oh, stop with this non-sense right now!” I say and wrestle him under me. I have my predatory look. But he smiles and kisses me gently.

,,Damn you, Landers!” I say and allow his tongue to entry my mouth. My hands trail over his body, my lips kissing every inch. 

,,Baby, if we’re really doing this tonight, can you please start already? You’re killing me with this slow tempo,” he cries out.

I smile and nod. I get the lube from the nightstand and I grin the liquid on my fingers while watching him. He craves for me, encouraging me with his hand on my again hard cock. 

I spread his legs and position myself between. I place kisses on his lips while entering him with one finger. He pants into my mouth. I wait for him to adjust before I push another finger in. I’m preparing him slowly, taking my time and never breaking the kiss.

,,Fuck me, please. Now.”

He’s adorable. ,,Your wish is my command,” I withdraw my fingers and lube my cock. 

I’m entering him slowly. Giving him time. He arches his back and scratches mine. I’m fully in, waiting for him to relax. I lick his nipple, rub the other one between my fingers and then kiss his temple.

Finally I’m sure I won’t hurt him so I start to move. He’s holding me tight and I can feel the love. I kiss his eyelids, his cheeks, running my hand through his hair. 

,,I love you, Paulchen,” I whisper to his ear and start to thrust quicker into him. I managed to slide my hand between our bodies and grab his cock. I want him to cum first. He’s saying my name, biting his lips and arching his back. He shuts his eyes as the orgasm hits him. I feel his muscles closed around my cock and that brings my orgasm.

My body collapses on his still shaking form. We’re breathing heavily and our bodies shake. I’m about to withdraw from him, but Paul stops me. ,,I want to feel you. Few more minutes, please.”

,,Okay,” I smile and kiss him. I’m almost asleep when I realize I’m still inside him. I pull out my flaccid dick and kiss his cheek again. 

,,I love you, Reesh. I’m sorry I didn’t reply immediately, but I wasn’t able to.”

,,I take that as compliment,” I grin. 

,,Shut up and hug me.”

And I did. I hugged him tight and held him the whole night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it at least a bit. Don't hesitate to give me feedback. Even a bad one is appreciated ;)

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Okay, I want to explain what happened between Doom and Paul. I'd say it would be clarified as rape by the law. I don't want you to see it like that though. Chris drugged Paul so he was willing. He didn't fight and basically thought he wants it (stay away from drugs, kids). Rape is a way different story and it's nothing you would just sleep off. 
> 
> 2\. I know Schneider hates his name, but suck it, Chris. You're a grown up and sometimes I like to use your original name.


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